Bugis with sissy, Enqi, and Adrian & co last saturday. It was supposed to be an outing for sissy, Enqi and I only, but we decided to join Adrian & co during evening time as they were heading to Bugis as well. Was having a hard time hunting for my new wallet as the one that I'd aimed for wasn't available anymore :\ Walked rounds and rounds around Bugis Street, and I finally found one that caught my eye. Had our early dinner at the Hong Kong cafe there, the baked rice and fresh-made lemon tea still taste as heavenly as ever. Went to the arcade for a few rounds of DDR and went to meet Adrian & co after which, accompanied them to have their dinner at some hawker centre. Planned to go for sheesha but the plan was ruined, so we walked back to Bugis Junction and decided to head back to Limbang after a long consideration. Accompanied them to lan, they played while I watched and rot there. Had our supper at 302 after that, and we actually walked in the rain -.- Dad came to drive sissy, Enqi and I home after supper, home sweet home then.

Prelims week this week, completed some of the papers few weeks back though. Got to know the results for Chinese already, got an A1 and top in class once again :D Missed my Math paper 1 and Geography paper as I couldn't found my entry proof on that day, and I hell did not know that I could actually still take the exam without having it. Argh. Talking about my entry proof, I would like to share with all of you on how did I lost, and found it. This experience is really creepy, furthermore it happened during the seventh month. Before I left house to study few days back, my school file which contained my entry proof was still lying obediently inside my school bag when I was taking my stuffs out of it. After I came home that night, the file was no longer in my bag. I ransacked my bag but there were only three sheets of worksheets left inside, my bag was untouched and the file couldn't be found at all around my house. Hence I gave up on looking for it and decided to look for it the next day instead. To my surprise, the file was back in my bag, together with the three sheets of paper lying inside! How spooky could that be? I still remember whining to my friends that I didn't feel like going to school while I was still outside, gosh.

Seemed like this year's seventh month is really a eerie one, it has also been raining for so many days. All Chinese do be careful. Have been recording my singing and uploading it on Youtube nowadays out of boredom. Shall end this post with the recent videos that I've uploaded, I suggest you people to view them at Youtube instead if you want to have a clearer hearing of them :)

Hi all, it's time for me to update this almost dead blog of mine. My viewers are decreasing, don't forget me please :( Come back and I'll give you a lollipop okay? Haha.

Caught Orphan with Violet sis and Adrian & co last saturday at Cineleisure. Didn't expect so many people to join in, felt kinda weird. Luck wasn't on our side totally, none of the right timings was available. In the end we had to catch the 2am show, yes it's 2 in the morning -.- The movie was alright, just that it's kinda disturbing and gross. 'Hi my name is Esther nice to meet you', LOL. Walked around town and talk cock sing song while waiting for the movie to start, and while waiting for the first bus back. Was so dead beat that I went to bed straight after I got home. Nothing much to elaborate further about, shall let the pictures do the talking.

Pardon me for the moody post previously, just felt like ranting my feelings out. I've read every single tag and I really appreciate the care and concern from all of you very much, here's a big big hug for all of you :) No worries, I'm already fine. Have been missing school nowadays as I've been using my school time to rest and replenish my energy, I seriously have to stop this bad habit of mine before it becomes worse. Shall end this post with some pictures that Rouping baobei and I have cam-whored in class last week.

P/S: Hungry ghost festival is here, good luck to all Chinese :x

I lost the key to my heart..

Dear diary,
Right this moment, I do not know who can I turn to and run to, so I shall put it all in words here. I have not been feeling good for the whole of today, a big stone seemed to be hiding deep inside, compressing my heart.

I'd finally made up my decision to let go of 300609 last night. I know I'm stupid, to let go of a guy who can loves me wholeheartedly. I know I'm being a bitch, to hurt him one time after another. Love is never fair, but I still think that this love is way too unfair for him. All along this journey, he has been the one putting effort into this relationship, while I have been the one stepping back. I remembered myself once telling him, I wouldn't do what all his ex girlfriends had did, giving him up just because of two words, 'feelings faded'. But why is this happening to me now? I dared not deny that my heart feels a little less than before towards him. I can tell everyone around me that I'm fine, and I'm not upset at all. If this is so, why do my tears still rolled down when I read his blog? Heartache? Yes of course, but I supposed it's more than that. It's all my fault. If not for me, he wouldn't ended up in this state.. Grief.

Today, I was alone, with the two couples. He walked with she, and him walked with her. How about me? Walking behind like a nobody's child, faking a smile throughout. No one knows how much, how deep, it hurts inside. I missed you, but I told myself that I have to be independent and get through all these, because I do not wish to commit the same mistake repeatedly. I felt sadness, but at the same time relieved, when I didn't receive your text at all. Sad, because I thought that you didn't miss me at all. Relieved, because I thought that you're really fine. After reading your blog, I guessed I was wrong..

I spoke to 270506 last night. Finally, after some time of not contacting. My tears rolled down as I typed every single message to him, as usual. His mind is still hard to read, as usual. I don't deny that my heart still feels something for him, but at the same time, I asked myself: "If both 270506 and 300609 are right in front of me to give me a choice, who would I choose?" I couldn't come out with an answer, and that is what that had made me realized that me myself, doesn't even know what I want. I couldn't find the key to my heart. Deep in thought, I started to think that love is a very tiring thing, and I decided to give up on love. The one I love wholeheartedly isn't the one who loves me, while the one who loves me wholeheartedly isn't the one I love wholeheartedly. Why is love so miserable?

Thinking the other way round, things may not be as complicated as I thought, it could all be solved if I can sort my thoughts out. But right now, I couldn't even find the key to my own heart, I'm stuck at a turning point. Everything is so confusing, and I am so not alright. I need someone to pick me up, I've really fallen too deepen this time round like never before. I hate myself for being so vulnerable. So sick of love songs, so sad and slow.. :'(

National Day celebration and Cross Country last friday. The celebration was plain boring, except for the parade which was rather entertaining. Top 20 runners would get a medal while top 100 runners would get a free can of Redbull for Cross Country, but I was too tired to run for it. Walked with Rouping and Izen instead, stupid Rachel put bomb -.- Pamela came in 12th position and got both medal and Redbull, congratulations Pam!

Town with Rachel, Jonathan and Keeleng last saturday. Rouping and Izen joined us too in the end. Met the guys at Choa Chu Kang and bus-ed to town. Far East, Ion, Wisma, then Rachel came to meet us after which. Had our early dinner at Food Republic, and headed to Cineleisure next. Initialed plan was either to catch a movie or to go for a singing session, but both plans were cancelled due to bad timings. Went to the arcade for a round of DDR for free, I wonder which kind soul (or should I say idiot?) tapped the credits but didn't use it ._. Izen came to meet us after her church service, then followed by Rouping. Went to McDonald's to talk cock sing song while some of them grab a bite, and I love Jonathan's phone camera to the max lor! Decided to leave at around 2300 as the time was getting late and all of us were getting bored, home sweet home then.

It was Singapore's 44th birthday yesterday, I hereby wish Singapore a belated Happy Birthday! Went to Bi's house to keep him accompanied. My baby boy looks like NS boy now, haha. Went to meet mom and sisters at Lot 1 at night to have dinner together, and mom treated us Pizza Hut big feast :D Mom and fatty went home first while Bi, sissy and I walked and slacked around. Both of them almost laughed to death because of my craps, LOL. Home sweet home then. Bi came to stay over as the time was already late, and left this morning.

Finally, a weekend not wasted :) And I seriously had enough of those people who have been comparing Ashley to me. Stop this childish act for goodness sake, because I don't give a damn on whether is she better than me or not. Nobody is perfect in this world. Everyone has their own flaws and strength, so why bother comparing? Just speaking from what I know, if hearts--x.bs.com is really Ashley, how do you explain ashykinz.bs.com? Well, I repeat, I'm just speaking from what I know. Hope that such nonsense can stop appearing, it's pretty annoying you see.